FAKE?
Almost 60% (!) Of Dutch women faked an orgasm (27% of men also incidentally, in an American study). That is actually not surprising, with how important we usually find an orgasm. We are told everywhere: cum means that the sex (penetration, oral, manual) was "good". And it is "ready" after an orgasm.
But gosh, sometimes it just doesn't work. And we don't want to disappoint our partner, and let them know that it is really good ➡ so we fake it. Or we are afraid that it will take too long for the other person to ➡ fake. Or we are actually a little bit done with the sex, but we find it strange to say so because "it is only finished when ..." ➡ fake.
(And the fuckin 'thing is that just when we are thinking things like this, the climax just gets further away. It seems that in order to reach an orgasm, we have to be able to get into the so-called 'solo phase', in which we actually only but think about our own pleasure, so worrying about what a sex partner thinks at the time ... doesn't work.)
It should be clear: I am not in favor of fake orgasms. If we make our own pleasure less important in this way, we are sellourselves SO short! And our sex partners! And their future sex partners! Because everyone learns the wrong thing about what could possibly make us cum.
So make our own pleasure more important. But yes I know, it is also very difficult to really take up all that space for ourselves only (especially for those who have learned to do that implicitly or explicitly for a lifetime). Maybe the other person should keep eating for an hour, if we need it… Will it be fun for the other person? Am I an egoist now? What if it still doesn't work? And if it's a steady partner, what's it like for them to spend so much time in me all the time? Phew.
Even so, even though cumming is difficult - faking is not the solution. What is it? My suggestions, depending on your goal:
- Do you want to cum? Give better instructions to your sex partner if you have an idea of how you might have an orgasm (and there is a lot of stigma about that too, but yeah, fck that). And try to let go of the other person for a moment and go completely inside yourself, and possibly talk about this with the other person in advance. (There's so much more to say about not being able to cum - I'll leave that for another time.)
- Don't you want to cum at that moment? Just say something like “I loved it, I really enjoyed it, I am ready with this for now. Shall we cuddle / sleep / play cards now?
Dit stukje heb ik eerder gepost op mijn Instagram (www.instagram.com/huhwatseks)
Laura
sexpower.online
Datum: 22-05-'20
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