Illusions
Since May 2019, I have been managing an online chat platform with a number of consultants where people can anonymously ask their questions and tell their story.
There is a clear reason why we called this platform SEXPOWER without blushing. We live in a world where we mirror illusions to each other. The attempt to fit in with the socially permissible makes many people unhappy. We like to judge those who do not immediately fit within our framework. Whether you are a sexually free woman and therefore the slut of your village. Or the man without a libido who suddenly can no longer call himself a man. In both examples, the source of the suffering is the same, namely that there is simply no room to be yourself.
The fear of being yourself with the risk that your environment cannot actually love you when they experience who you really are is enormous. Loneliness or being alone is not the same. Robin Williams was surrounded by people he made laugh. He just couldn't make himself happy and still committed suicide in 2014. Don't underestimate what we humans do to each other based on our enormous expectations. It seems we have made constraints of perfection. Not just around sexuality. We want one partner who meets all our expectations. People try their best to meet these unattainable expectations, but it doesn't bring them happiness.
My advice is to first work on the relationship with yourself and only when that is good you can look further. Of course, a partner can bring out the best in you. They just can't get out what's not in you. If you don't accept yourself first, you don't have to count on the acceptance of others. It starts within. Even if you get this acceptance from another, as long as you don't feel it in yourself, you will be blind to it.
My experience is that people do not become happy by adjusting themselves and suppressing their individuality. I'd rather empower their authentic selves.
Do you have any questions or would you like to talk about this subject?
Chat about it with one of our consultants, for example:
Daisy Jacobs ♦ sex therapist & coachLooking for a pleasant chat on any subject, for advice or encouraging support?Read more about my motivations and specializations in my profile.See you soon!
Datum: 11-01-'21
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