I'm fascinated by this story, this Femdom.

Currently I am 62 years old, about 50 years ago I read a story where women had (sexual) power over men. In my world, Christian upbringing, it was completely wrong that I had read the story and what it said was obvious not allowed. Yet I was fascinated by this story, this Femdom.

Only at a later age, around my 35th, married, no kids, did I dare to admit this. The conditions were also appropriate; Monday to Friday I was away from home. During that period I had my first SM experience with a professional Mistress. Later I had several more sessions with her.

I don't think this comes from Christian self-flagellation, but it certainly would have helped, any more than that being LGBTIQ comes from your upbringing. It is, in my opinion, already in you and it will come out sooner or later. So I think it's a predisposition, stimulated by upbringing.

In the house I grew up in, sex was not talked about and I didn't feel confident enough to start the conversation. That also spawned a kind of fear of women that I still suffer from today. Until about my 50th I was married, then divorced and then met my sweetheart. With her I took little steps to become a better partner, also sexually. We were on the right track until she passed away. We even did very light BDSM stuff like her gently hitting my cock or balls which gave me more intense pleasure.

Over the years I have been to a number of different Mistresses. I am grateful that there is a professional BDSM scene in the Netherlands where I can let myself go and where I can be sure that I will not be laughed at or exposed (unless I want to of course). With them and maybe a few more online contacts, I can shake off the trepidation and guilt I have about my feelings. I dare not talk to anyone else about this part of my life.

A dominatrix lets me do/experience things from my fantasy. These things I would never dare to ask my own partner. With a dominatrix you obviously have some form of emotional connection, but we don't pack the dishwasher together in the evening. I would never dare to tell my partner that I would like to give a man head, but that has happened with a dominatrix (both the admitting out loud part and doing it).
Hopefully one day I will meet a partner with whom I have the guts to say that, in addition to a good relationship, I also have sexual desires.

An occasional visit to a dominatrix gives me peace after the visit; before the visit just tension. It's also a journey of discovery of what I like, what gets me horny and/or aroused and what doesn't. The most wonderful thing is complete surrender and undergoing what is conceived knowing that she is watching me closely to see that it does not go too far.

Wim
(anonymous blogger)


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Datum: 29-07-'21

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