Impotent or just human?
Impotence is actually an outdated term. Usually the term erectile dysfunction is now used. Impotence was also used incorrectly for other problems, such as coming too early or a low libido. In addition, there is quite a negative connotation to the term "impotence", it sounds quite derogatory.
Erectile dysfunction or impotence therefore means that you have difficulty getting or maintaining an erection. As a result, penetration is not possible. What some men don't know is that impotence has nothing to do with fertility or not being able to cum. Although you cannot get a (good) erection, you can often come without problems.
Different types of impotence can be distinguished:
- Total impotence: you never have an erection, not even during masturbation or when you wake up (morning erection).
- Situational impotence: sometimes you suffer from impotence (for example during sex), sometimes not (for example during masturbation).
- Partial impotence: you can get an erection, but it is not hard enough for penetration or it will disappear quickly.
- Primary Impotence: You've never had an erection at all.
- Secondary impotence: you used to be able to get and keep an erection, but not anymore.
Understandably, your confidence will be affected if you are unable to have erections. You just want to have sex and it feels really bad when you can't, no matter how hard you try. That can leave you feeling depressed and it can even be bad for your relationship. It's up to you not to let it get that far! Read my extensive tips later in this blog.
Impotence is a complex problem that can have many causes. Hence, this is also quite a long article. It is certainly not the case that all these causes apply to you. Sometimes you don't know exactly what cause it is! That is why I always recommend that you go to the doctor if you have erection problems. Your doctor can examine you to determine the causes of your impotence.
Cause 1: Relationship problems
You might not expect it, but relationship problems can actually lead to impotence. If you're experiencing problems and irritations in your relationship, they can affect your sex life. Relationship problems often result in at least one of the two partners having less sex drive. He or she prefers to go to sleep as soon as you go to bed. Spontaneous sex is often no longer possible.
This can result in you seeing your partner as less sexual, which also makes you have more trouble getting erections. In this case you probably have situational impotence. Chances are, you can still get an erection while you masturbate. It just will no longer work with your partner, because your relationship problems have too much effect on your libido. Therefore, make sure you do something about your relationship problems. The sooner you tackle this this, the higher chance of success.
Cause 2: Performance urge in bed
Sex is often seen, especially with men, as something that requires performance. A few examples of thoughts some men have:
- A man must always feel like having sex.
- A man should always cum during sex.
- A man has to last at least 30 minutes in bed or he has failed. (If you get 10 minutes you are really doing well!)
- A man has to make his partner cum during sex.
A man does not always have to feel like having sex. Making a woman cum with only penetration often doesn't work; most women also need clitoral stimulation. In any case, the purpose of sex is not to cum. The purpose of sex is to enjoy together. How you do that doesn't matter at all. As long as you like it. You really don't always have to come and keep it up for a long time. This kind of unwarranted performance anxiety can often lead to erection problems. Because you are afraid that you are not doing it well enough, you will not be able to get an erection. You can read below how to combat that!
Cause 3: Stress
We know all too well that long-term stress is bad for our body. Stress can have the following consequences:
- Greater chance of illness
- Fatigue
- Weakened immune system
- Memory problems
- Chaos in the mind
In addition, research has shown that stress in rats can permanently change the structure of the cavernous bodies. This means that the penis itself is changed by stress. Chances are that this also applies to humans. It is therefore important to do something about long-term stress as soon as possible!
Cause 4: Uncertainty
Did you know that being unable to get an erection from time to time is completely normal? It's happened to almost all men that they could not get hard when they wanted to have sex. However, many men do not know this, which makes them very insecure if they have trouble getting a boner.
That uncertainty will reappear next time. When they are engaged in foreplay with their partner, all they think is "I hope I do get an erection this time." That thought is precisely where it goes wrong.
Because you are only concerned with whether you can get an erection, chances are that it will not work. That way you end up in a negative spiral. You fervently hope that you will get an erection, which will make it fail, which will make you think more about it next time, make it even less successful, and so on. So it is up to you to break the vicious circle. Again, it's normal if you can't get a boner, really!
Cause 5: Traumatic experiences
For some men this is a problem: a traumatic sexual experience. You have had a bad experience in the past with regard to sex, for example because of sexual abuse. This experience is still having its effect, because now it prevents you getting an erection.
Some people are not even aware of this! Only when they dig deeply into their memory does the traumatic experience surface. They have subconsciously suppressed it all this time. The unprocessed experience still causes erection problems now. Have you previously had a traumatic sexual experience? Then it is very important that you talk about it with a psychologist. You cannot give this experience a place on your own, so that you can get a healthy erection again. It's not something to be ashamed of, because you can't help it. You can talk to someone about it! Your doctor can refer you to a good therapist.
Cause 6: Fear of sex
Some people are raised to believe that sex is weird or dirty. It is something you should not talk about and therefore a taboo. This mainly happens in religious circles. As a result, a man may be afraid to have sex. He's heard so many bad stories about it that his body blocks and he can't get an erection.
This is of course not necessary! Sex is the most normal thing in the world; in fact, it is very nice. Sex is certainly not something to be ashamed of. You should be able to talk about it with your partner, even if you have trouble with it. Talking about sex is the first step to solving your erection problems. You can also talk to me about it via chat or email consultation.
If you've also been taught that sex isn't right, know that it's not something to be ashamed of. You are not dirty or bad when you have sex, on the contrary. Sex is something to be enjoyed with your partner, and it should be possible without interruption.
Cause 7: Obesity
There are of course not only psychological (like the previous 6) but also physical causes of impotence. One of these is obesity. Obesity is one of the biggest causes of erection problems. The chance of erection problems is about 4 times higher if you are overweight!
In part, this is because the abdomen actually gets in the way of the erection. In addition, overweight men have less testosterone, which makes erections less strong. Obesity also causes a reduced blood supply to the penis. Less blood gets into the cavernous bodies of your penis, making it more difficult to get and maintain an erection. Obesity has many more negative influences on your body. It is therefore important to do something about it as soon as possible!
Cause 8: Smoking and alcohol abuse
Another major cause of impotence is smoking. This is especially true in combination with obesity. Smoking and obesity together give 16 times more chance of impotence! So you have to stop smoking immediately if you want to get a healthy erection again. Just like obesity, smoking reduces blood flow to the penis. The same goes for alcohol abuse. Drinking alcohol can already prevent you from getting an erection while under the influence. With an alcohol addiction, this problem persists for longer.
Cause 9: Medicines
Certain medications can have impotence as a side effect. This is of course very annoying, because you often have to keep taking these medicines. Medicines that can cause impotence include:
- Various antidepressants
- Medicines that lower blood pressure, such as beta blockers
- Medicines for allergies
- Medicines for Parkinson's
- Muscle relaxants
- Medicines for prostate cancer
- H2 receptor blockers, which are medicines for stomach acid
Do you think your impotence is due to taking medication? Then don't stop swallowing! First, talk to your doctor about what to do. He or she may be able to prescribe you other medications that do not cause impotence as a side effect.
Cause 10: High blood pressure
When you normally get an erection, signals from the brain cause the cavernous bodies of your penis to dilate. The cavernous bodies then let blood in. Subsequently, the pressure of the blood causes the veins that allow blood to flow out of the penis to be compressed. This way you keep an erection. However, high blood pressure prevents the veins that carry blood to the penis from dilating well enough. So too little blood enters the penis to get an erection. In addition, the blood is less able to reach the cavernous bodies.
This makes high blood pressure a possible cause of impotence. One study found that 68% of men with high blood pressure had some degree of impotence. High blood pressure is especially common among older men. This may be one of the reasons older men have more difficulty getting and keeping an erection.
Tips for fighting erectile dysfunction
I have now discussed the top 10 causes of impotence in detail. Hopefully you have been able to identify which cause or causes apply to you. However, that is the beginning of the story, of course you want to know how to fight your impotence. For this, I have listed the most important tips for you here.
Tip 1: Get more exercise
Exercise is one of the best natural ways to get rid of impotence. More exercise fights various causes of impotence, such as high blood pressure and obesity. Research has already shown that only more walking in the open air can significantly help against erection problems.
So you don't have to run marathons or become the new Sven Kramer - 30 minutes of exercise every day can be enough! That could be the difference between cycling to work instead of driving, or walking your dog just a little longer every day. As long as you exercise regularly and don't sit on your lazy butt all day, you are already fighting impotence.
It is of course important that you can keep moving. Therefore, it is best to choose a form of exercise that you enjoy. If you hate cycling, it may not make sense to cycle to work every day. You can of course also consider doing a sport or going to the gym. They are now closed, but up and down your stairs a few times every day is also a workout.
Whatever you do, make sure you move! Nothing works as well or as easily against impotence as exercise. It's a small effort and you don't have to do crazy things. Moreover, exercise is very healthy at all. You reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, and if you are overweight you can also lose weight. If you have or suspect health problems, always do sports in consultation with your doctor.
Tip 2: Kegel exercises
Kegel exercises are also called PC muscle exercises because you train your PC muscle with them. This muscle controls your urine flow, among other things. If you've ever stopped your pee by contracting a particular muscle, you now know which one it is. The PC muscle also plays a role in your orgasm and your erection.
You can train this muscle with so-called kegel exercises. Having a stronger PC muscle allows you to "pump" more blood into your penis during an erection. Moreover, with a strong PC muscle you can stop your orgasm if you come too quickly. Therefore, perform the following exercises daily and build them up slowly.
Exercise 1 - Basic exercise
Keep the PC muscle contracted for 5 seconds. Do not contract your glutes or abdominal muscles and do not hold your breath.
Relax all your muscles for 5 seconds.
Repeat this 10 times, three times a day.
Exercise 2 - Long tension
Keep the PC muscle contracted for about 30 seconds.
Relax for at least a minute, maybe even longer.
Repeat this 5 times, three times a day.
Exercise 3 - Quick Change
Alternate between putting on and relaxing for 30 seconds as quickly as possible.
Rest for 1 minute.
Repeat this 5 times, three times a day.
At first, you probably find it difficult to contract your PC muscle for so long and so often. So start slowly, if you cannot do 10 exercises the first time, no problem. Slowly build it up to more reps and more sets. You have to keep challenging your PC muscle. If you do it right, you will notice after a few weeks that you get a stronger erection!
Tip 3: Avoid stress, during and outside sex
As you have read, stress is a major cause of impotence. It is not only about stress in general, but also about stress during sex. You can feel very insecure if you haven't gotten a good erection a few times. The stress you experience as a result can block a new erection, leaving you in a vicious cycle.
Some practical tips for during sex
It is a big misunderstanding that men always want to have sex, as a man you really don't always have to feel like having sex. Without lust, you will not get an erection that easily. So only have sex if you feel like having sex!
Extra stimulation of the penis.
Sometimes touching or fantasizing is not enough to get an erection. Then provide extra stimulation, for example by holding the penis more firmly, using a lubricant or a vibrator for extra stimulation of the glans or perineum (area between the scrotum and anus).
Stimulate your imagination.
For some men it helps to fantasize more: use erotic films or photos, for example.
Do not immediately stop your lovemaking.
If you have trouble with your erection during lovemaking, try not to make it a problem. Keep touching and making love in other ways to keep things light. Grab a drink, give your partner oral sex and use your hands, a toy ... and chances are your erection will return. If not, you can also give your partner a lot of fun!
In summary: Sex is more than sexual intercourse. Do you think sex is only fun and 'successful' if you have had sexual intercourse? Then you put a lot of pressure on yourself. Your erection problem will only get worse. Discover how you can make love in other ways. Talk about it with your partner. Also make sure that arguments and irritations are talked about and do not get stuck in your head. Good luck guys with all this information. If you need more help, tips or explanation, just come and talk to me in the chat. Cozy!
(Sources: erectieexpert.nl, seksualiteit.nl)
Love,
Datum: 15-02-'21
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