From my early childhood I had not been lucky; my biological father turned out to be a "guest worker", as it was then called, who wanted to take the lusts but not the burden of achild, and my mother, who was loving and caring, had a slight mental disability.

When I was 4 years old, she married the caretaker of the apartment building where we lived, after knowing him 'all of' 3 months. However, this man turned out to be a tyrant, a complete madman, with sadistic tendencies and uncontrollable and disproportionate aggression. The marriage, which lasted four years and in which I was his living 'experiment box' several times, led to my learning (much) too early not to feel the emotional pain. When I rubbed my legs tightly together, I got a nice, tickling feeling... then I didn't know what it was, later I understood that it was an orgasm. I grew up to be a rebellious adolescent, did everything I wanted myself, the home hierarchy was hard to find, so I set the rules. But yes, an adolescent girl usually does not know what is good for her...

From the age of fifteen I became sexually active, I had a boyfriend, in retrospect the largest possible loser you can imagine , but I thought I could help him. Wow, I had taken over Mother Teresa Syndrome from my own mother! Of course he could not be helped and actually sex was also worthless. He was only concerned with his own pleasure, and sadly, it didn't help me not to feel the pain! So I always said after every shag: "Put the money on the bedside table". Not knowing what my future would bring. I started cheating because other men were able to give me multiple orgasms. This way I could live with my 'normal' life, although it all became increasingly obsessive.

Sex also became a form of bonding. Because I was a "beast in bed," I was able to keep men with me. Men fell under the spell, because a woman that cum a lot, was a lottery ticket! Well, on the face of it and sexually certainly, but deep down I was just a small, frightened girl in a harsh world', wanting to be accepted. It doesn't take rocket science to presiuct that my life would know more ups and downs. So a few friends and a marriage later, I became addicted to the coke. In order to maintain my addiction, I ended up in prostitution, first in a happy ending' massage parlor, later in a club, but that wasn't my thing. I prefer home, private reception and I earned a lot of money, which disappeared with ponypacks at a time. Strangely enough, I always let muself go with my clients during sex. So I really climaxed. Not very strange that I had a large clientele! After a while I got to know a well-positioned entrepreneur, also had a kick for on types like me, so I quit my job. With him I often had sex parties and threesomes with a man, but the pain was still not allowed to be ...

Only when this relationship went wrong and my health turned out to be bad, of course because of my lifestyle, did I gain insight. I realized that I had to come to my pain point, process it, instead of tucking it away. I completely changed course. Went into therapy, followed studies, got a decent man with no hidden defects and my life became different, very different. I now also notice that sex and certainly cumming has become of secondary importance. I am probably overfed with sex and the calmness and regularity gives me the satisfaction that I really needed. I am happy that after a long detour, I dare to be who I really am. I hope that my story gives girls / women in a similar situation, just that little push to make choices that are necessary to get back to yourself. And no longer the perfect imperfection.
 

Astrid
sexpower.online