Sex during menopause
Menopause is little talked about. It doesn't exist, don't whine, just do it. Sex in menopause is not talked about at all. That's a missed opportunity, because there are questions you'd like to have answered.
What problems do you encounter with sex in menopause?
You are changing during this time. Something you don't want at all. What is sex like for you during menopause? Does it hurt, are there tensions and do you not manage to relax? Can you still enjoy sex with your emotions? Does your partner still know what you like and how you like it?
Understanding the change in your body
Between the ages of 40 and 60 comes menopause, there is a lot of change. You get a short fuse, your body changes and this is not what you want. Your hormone levels start to change. The estrogen and the progesterone become less. The familiar hot flashes are going to come, mood swings, and things may change with sex as well. The uterus and the vaginal wall become less elastic and flexible. Also, the vagina is less moist so it can feel a little drier.
What can happen during menopause
1. vaginal infections
2. hot flashes
3. night sweats
4. being very tired
5. clitoris more sensitive (touch can hurt)
6. Have pain during sex
7. libido can be lowered
8. You are not in control of your emotions
9. Hugging and kissing becomes more important
10. Just more desire for sex
Keeping functioning well with sex in the transition
• use a good lubricant (preferably water-based)
• take your time with the foreplay
• dare to fantasize and experiment
• put it as an appointment in your agenda (real we-time!)
• put a nice piece of music on (Enigma)
• take care of variation
• relax
• take a vibrator
• see if you're in for some '50 Shades of Grey
• with a blindfold you experience everything much more intense
• make sure you are well rested
Women also have testosterone
Of course, testosterone concentrations are much lower than in men, but they are there. They are responsible for sense of sex. In menopause, testosterone decreases, therefore your libido changes. Is this often talked about? No. And is it a taboo subject? Often it is. Because talking about the transition is rather not what women do. Besides all your physical and mental symptoms, you also think: am I still sexually attractive? You start to doubt, and the hormones also play a role. You feel guilty because you feel less like sex than your partner. You feel like you are in a viscious circle. Don't. It is a general phenomenon that often goes like this. And something can certainly be done about it.
12 steps to enjoying sex in menopause
#1 Relax and make it as easy as possible
To get the feeling of a good start for a long lovemaking session, foreplay is very important. Especially in the transition. A massage, a feather to stroke the body, or asking each other questions about the relationship and sex (there are really nice board games for this, like Frankly Private Time) are a nice start. Massage you can do with body friendly oil, like almond oil. Or oil with a scent. Put on some nice music from Secret Garden, or Enigma, for example.
#2 Desire to feel like it and dare to enjoy it
Don't feel like making love? Believe me, for many women it works so that the desire to make love is only made when the lovemaking is already going on. The desire to fel like it is, of course, very important. A lovemaking session often begins blankly, only to find along the way that you are getting horny. This happens automatically. So make an appointment with each other to devote time to each other. If necessary, pull the agendas! No, that's not weird, that's making we-time for each other. Then you are there for each other at that appointed time.
#3 Feel sexy
Feel attractive again. Take a long bath beforehand, groom yourself, get a haircut, put on a nice outfit, put on perfume. Feel like a complete woman. Pimp your bedroom or the room where you make love. Light some candles, make some nice bedding, put a bunch of dark red roses in a vase. Success guaranteed!
#4 Invent something new for your lovemaking
Get rid of the rut! You don't want that anymore and you don't have to. Not the same lovemaking over and over again! Who says you have to? No one, so think about what you can do to spice up your sex. How about a toy you've never used before? This could be a blindfold, a scarf, or flavored erotic lube. A different location is also a good idea, or who knows, outdoors?
#5 Aphrodisiac food
You've probably heard of aphrodisiacs, aphrodisiac snacks and drinks. You probably know that asparagus is aphrodisiac (just look at the shape!), but did you know this about watermelon? Dark chocolate of at least 72 percent is also a good aphrodisiac. So you can have an extra bite. Oysters and champagne are also good aphrodisiacs, and very luxurious. So you immediately feel like the queen of the night. If this is too expensive for you or you simply don't like oysters and champagne, you can always try bananas, eggs or honey.
#6 Use a lubricant
In case your pussy is a bit dry, use a lubricant. It can also manifest as burning, itching or pain during intercourse. The vaginal wall becomes thinner and drier as you age. The elasticity disappears. A lubricant can really help and make the pain go away. These come in water-based, silicone-based or oil-based. If you make love with a condom, do not use an oil-based lubricant. This affects the latex and weakens the condom. There are also vaginal creams and pills you can use. These are prescribed by the family doctor. Do you want to go on the homeopathic tour? Often Premeno (vagina tablets) or Vagisan moisturizer help.
#7 Be clear and plain in your desires
If everything is going the way it is, but you are simply no longer happy with this, do something different. Think about what you would like and what you would like to try. If it seems exciting to you to do a threesome, see if your partner is open to it. Or agree with each other to go to a swingers club. Just look to see if this is something for you. Is this too spicy for you? Then try something milder and harmless, like role play. Spice up your sexlife!
#8 Many changes with menopause
Because of the changes with menopause, you may feel less like sex, due to pain during intercourse. Your fertility also disappears, and your appearance starts to change. You will have to deal with the empty nest syndrome. Your self-image becomes different. Sometimes couples then no longer know what they can do to boost their sex life. You've cut yourself off so many times for the kids, now you're thinking: what about me? Look with a positive view at all the beautiful things that can now arise again in your life.
#9 Getting excited during menopause
Intimacy is very important to you. It makes you feel good, excited, feel worthy of your partner. It also makes you feel more desired. Does your partner know this too? Take all the time you need when making love. Cuddling, caressing and a massage can be of great value. The cuddle hormone oxytocin is released in your body, this fuels your libido.
#10 The clitoris is important, the vagina often less so
Not every man realizes this and who knows, neither do you. With only penetration you often do not reach an orgasm. Then it's logical that you don't feel such a need for sex. Sex is far too much fun, and can be so for you too. Relaxing and having fun with it makes you feel good. Get that toy out there. Do what you enjoy and stand up for yourself. Your partner may have absolutely no idea what it's like for you. All the more reason to say how you like it, and how you can get excited. Did you really think it was an improvement afterward? Tell him afterwards that it was very pleasant lovemaking and worth repeating to do it that way again next time.
#11 Men like it when you enjoy yourself
Most men I hear enjoy seeing their partner enjoy themselves. Sometimes you are too concerned with what he likes, but it's also about what you like and how you like it. Your man is open to that. Express yourself, take the time together to talk about it. With a glass of wine and some humor. You will see that he is much more willing to meet your needs.
#12 At a later age you can be more involved with sex
The kids are out of the house, you don't have to plan all kinds of things anymore. Often you know better what you want and how you want it in sex. You can also express this better. Getting off during a relaxed lovemaking session is still possible. With your fingers or with a tool like a vibrator. If this somehow does not go? Then this may have occurred physically, mentally or socially. We, at sexpower.online, are
A listening ear for you. Where you can discuss all your problems and together we will look for the right solution.
'Menopause? Don't think of it as a burden. It's a new phase.'
Dealing with menopause without worry
Don't see menopause as an enemy, but something that's part of life. This phase can also bring something beautiful. Do you run into a problem? There are often solutions. Would you like to tell your story and put your thoughts in order? Then chat with us. Together we can work it out, and often a good tip comes from me or the other consultants. Each in our own field and with our own specializations. If you do not dare to chat you can always choose to send an email consultation. These will be answered within 48 hours.
At sexpower.online you will find a nurse, educators, transition experience experts. Talking about your sexual development, experience with sex and how it feels, then you can come to us. We have a listening ear for your story. You may be in a situation that you are ashamed of. We can give you tips and give you a helping hand. Our consultants know what they are chatting about. I myself am a menopause expert, among other things, and I make my life as trouble-free as possible. Therefore, I think I can guide you a bit on your way.
Datum: 02-09-'19
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